Many (most?) of us aren’t really fearless when it comes to new ventures. How do we get past new cruiser fear? Whether it’s heeling further than we’re used to, going under a fixed bridge or through an opening one, sailing offshore, standing an overnight watch, or facing a squall, what helps when we’re just starting out?
We feel even worse when we look at friends’ or acquaintances’ posts on Facebook or Instagram and wonder how do they look so happy, nonchalant and — dare we say it? — calm in the face of possible disaster.
It’s a question I’ve gotten a fair number of times: how do I not freak out and turn into a blubbering pile of jelly?
Getting Past New Cruiser Fear
Obviously, the first step is training. The more you know, the easier it is to stay calm. But most often the people who have asked me this have taken classes and are competent. It’s “just” nerves.
So how do you get over a case of nerves?
I’m not a psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor nor do I have any other relevant training (that’s my disclaimer), but I can tell you what worked for me.
Faking it.
Yep. Years ago, facing my first foray into public speaking, I got what to me was invaluable advice:
I didn’t have to actually be calm, cool and collected; I just had to look like I was.
Once I started acting as if I knew was I was going, I started actually feeling that way.
Fake It Till You Make It
The same strategy works when doing things that made me nervous on the boat. I started by deciding that I wanted to look like I was having fun (having someone taking photos helped to give me a reason to smile). And almost always, within minutes I forgot about the “looking like” part: I was enjoying myself.
Heeling on a monohull? Well, I learned to sail when I was 12 on small boats designed to heel. And whenever us kids would do things right and get it moving on that heel, the instructor would yell out things like “woo-hoo!” to reinforce the idea that what we were doing was fun. To this day, I get a grin when we hit that sweet spot of heel.
Docking or picking up a mooring ball? I know things would go better if I appeared calm to others on the boat or dock. So I gave calm, specific instructions. No, I didn’t necessarily feel calm as I pulled up to a large solid object. But I tried to project calmness. And then, suddenly, I was.
Standing watch overnight? I freaked the first time (read that story here and learn what I needed to know). But when Dave and I started cruising our own boat, I wanted him to sleep well when he was off watch. The only way that would happen was if he thought I felt good about being on watch. Yep, back to faking it. And after a couple of absolutely glorious night sails, I found that I really looked forward to my night watches. The dark wasn’t scary; the stars were beautiful.
Other Benefits to Faking It
Okay, there may be situations where I was still nervous and faking it didn’t change how I really felt — say in squalls — I still use it. Even if I was faking it, projecting calmness helped those around me (even other boats if we’re talking on the radio) stay calm. I don’t want their nervousness to feed on mine — as mine will feed on theirs.
And really, that’s a big part of why I wanted to project calmness and fun: to stop escalating the tension. If I wanted to have fun on board, I had to show a good attitude myself. And I’ve learned that if I don’t like how things are going, projecting a calm demeanor is much more likely to get others to agree with me.
As I noted above, Dave felt more relaxed leaving me on watch when I projected a feeling of calm. Considering the needs of our partner is key to happy cruising. This is particularly important if one partner is less enthusiastic than the other. See more helpful suggestions in the Uncertain Cruiser course, available as a standalone or as part of the All-Access Pass.
But whether you’re most worried about calming yourself, fellow boaters, or your partner, projecting calm before you feel it is a great tool to keep in your box of cruiser’s tricks.
Carolyn Shearlock has lived aboard full-time for 17 years, splitting her time between a Tayana 37 monohull and a Gemini 105 catamaran. She’s cruised over 14,000 miles, from Pacific Mexico and Central America to Florida and the Bahamas, gaining firsthand experience with the joys and challenges of life on the water.
Through The Boat Galley, Carolyn has helped thousands of people explore, prepare for, and enjoy life afloat. She shares her expertise as an instructor at Cruisers University, in leading boating publications, and through her bestselling book, The Boat Galley Cookbook. She is passionate about helping others embark on their liveaboard journey—making life on the water simpler, safer, and more enjoyable.
The Boat Galley says
True, hurricanes are something different. But calmness in prepping for one and evacuating (if possible) goes a long way.
The Boat Galley says
That is a wonderful story and a huge step!
Jerri Miller says
Having one of these on port and one on starboard made it a little hard to stay calm, but it was also oddly exciting.
Carolyn Shearlock says
Some new boats are coming into the mooring field, but right now it’s “at your own risk” — the moorings will start being inspected on October 26 is what we’ve been told. There are pump outs, water, laundry and showers. Most restaurants are open, but most with a limited menu. Publix is open and fully stocked — Winn Dixie was badly damaged and not open. K-Mart, West Marine and Specialty Hardware are all open. The debris is being cleaned up, but there is still a lot of it. Don’t expect things to be perfect this winter — or exactly how you may remember them from the past — but it’s still wonderful.
The Boat Galley says
Yowzie!
Jerri Miller says
It’s all about keeping the legs from going to jelly! Ha ha. Thanks for all of your helpful posts!
Linda Stevenson says
Try it again, in Luperon, DR! I was very nervous having never weathered anything worse than a squall. No intention of demeaning squalls, but the hurricanes so far were much easier to get through in Luperon than the squalls we experienced elsewhere. I learned so much here from locals, other cruisers and my husband who has years of sailing experience. Most here were very calm and methodical during preps that it was very reassuring to me even though I knew that the hurricanes would be passing fairly closely. I know we were very lucky, too, and think/pray often for those who weren’t.
Carolyn Shearlock says
You are WAY too kind! But you made my day!
Cathy Berry says
I love the expansiveness of night. There are no limits. It feels like my mind is being stretched!
Carolyn Shearlock says
Another thing that helps most people when things get overwhelming is to simply slow down. Make fewer miles a day. Plan more days just at anchor or in a marina. Trying to do too much too fast can really add to nervousness.
Have a great time — that area is beautiful!
Dave Skolnick (S/V Auspicious) says
Deborah and others,
Irrational fear is still fear. It’s real. Being told fear is irrational simply doesn’t help. It doesn’t matter. Good for your husband.