Cruising means learning. And today’s guest post by Kimberly Ward, a member of the Boat Galley team, shows that learning about ourselves is included. Read on for her thoughts on shifting perspective when you begin to embrace the “and.”
A couple months ago, as we were gearing up for our seasonal cruise, I was chatting with a fellow cruiser. She asked when we thought we would cross to the Bahamas. As many are when sharing their plans, or rather notions, I was a bit vague, “Tuesday, I think. Or we might head toward Miami and try to cross Wednesday. The angle to Great Harbour Cay may be better from Miami. Or maybe we’ll leave from here (West Palm) on Wednesday. We can get up on the Banks to make it more comfortable.”
Ever get the feeling that cruising requires you to master the fine art of planning to the nth degree and to be semi-pro at going with the flow? At the same time?? You do? Same.
“Wisdom accepts that all things have two sides.” –Carl Jung
Seeing Both Sides
I have often said my husband and I make a great team: he excels at seeing the big picture, while I am a whiz with the details. It’s not that I can’t see the big picture, or he can’t manage details. We have the capacity. It’s just that we are each more comfortable with expressing one of these conflicting aspects. Our dominant qualities are those we have developed the most and feel safe expressing.
But what if it’s more than being better at one thing or another, as is often the case while living aboard? What if, instead of seeing each of them as a distinct opposite quality, we consider these conflicting aspects along a spectrum. Rather than: I can either see the big picture OR take care of the details; perhaps it’s: I generally contribute to a project by defining and tracking all of the minute details AND I can see the big picture toward which we are working.
What if every attribute exists within each of us? Oh, how much my life —with my husband, my family, my friends, my colleagues—might be improved if I dared to go out of my comfort zone and began developing and expressing the opposite qualities, as well. I could be wise and silly, serious and playful, strong and vulnerable, the teacher and the student!
Oh, how my life aboard might be improved, as well.
Changing the Narrative
How about when I consider some of my non-dominant qualities as negative? For example, I see myself as a giver. The opposite must be taker or selfishness, right? Egad, that is not good! Perhaps, however, another way to express my dominant quality is to say I regularly nurture others. The opposite, in that case, could be I receive nurturing. Oh. Well, that’s different! What if all that I am resisting is what I should be consciously moving toward? What if what I don’t like, what I see as negative, has been put in my path for me to learn from and grow?
I am expanding to embrace the opposite polarities in my life. I am not rejecting parts with which I am not comfortable. I can practice setting aside judgment, both for others whose dominant qualities differ from my own and for myself in defaulting to my dominant qualities. I can appreciate my primary mode while focusing on developing its opposite. I am making my circle bigger.
Where else can I accept and expand? I am masculine and feminine; I am doing and being; I am active and passive; I am rational and intuitive; I am organized and chaotic; I am material and minimalist; I am responsible and carefree; I am intellectual and emotional; I am struggle and ease; I am safe and unpredictable; I am afraid and brave; I am uncertain and confident. I am a proficient and a novice. I am a critic and a cheerleader.
It’s interesting, too, the words we choose for each of these attributes. Sometimes, the same end of the spectrum can be defined by different words, for example, safe versus boring, carefree versus irresponsible, proficient versus know-it-all. Do I regularly see my dominant traits in a positive light, while those at the opposite end are viewed more negatively? As with most things in life, there are pros and cons to each extreme, which is why it makes sense to explore the entire spectrum.
I am finding balance. Each attribute is an aspect of my personality that I need to get to know, respect, explore, and appreciate.
Changing Perspective Takes Time
Remember, be patient. We cannot expect miracles overnight; it took us years to get where we are, and it will take time to create our new expansive norms. And it may be painful as we stretch to explore all my differing selves. With awareness and mindfulness, I can become balanced and able to call forth differing selves when appropriate.
Living with my husband aboard Ally Cat, in about 300 square feet of living space, where good communication skills are vital, gives me an abundance of opportunities to practice!
I’d love to hear from you. What are your dominant qualities, the parts you tend to display subconsciously? What are the opposites you can grow into? Share your tips and frustrations so we can grow together!
“Things do not change; we change.” –Henry David Thoreau
Kimberly is a writer, an oyster farmer, a gardener, and, yes, a sailor. She is also part of The Boat Galley team. Her first book, Crew of Three: How Bold Dreams and Detailed Plans Launched Our Family’s Sailing Adventure, is available on Amazon and everywhere books are sold. Learn more on her website.
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